MOVIE REVIEWS

Review by Alex

House Shark, not the worst Sharksploitation movie ever, also not the best. First of all why is everyone named after presidents? Could they not come up with names?? Trey isn't a bad actor, he's probably the best one in the movie besides the damn shark! The cinematography is pretty boring but they couldn't do much else there I guess. The story is also weird as shit like why would they wanna sell the house? Someone died in that house, bastards! And speaking of the damn shark where is he? He's barely in the movie besides the end! I mean it's probably for the best, he woulda looked like shit anyway if he wasn't just a puppet thing. The Zachary guy's accent makes me mad why is it so half assed sometimes and others it's not even in use??? Darth Squanto??? Why is this Abraham guy suddenly in it? Why is his accent and mannerisms so weird too? And why the golden shower??? And why the hell does the female shark costume have an apron?!? Shoutout to the Mysterio reference, even tho this is before Far From Home. The shark plopping on the ground asleep and the way it gets up is kinda funny as shit. The dialogue is so shitty too it's all cringe Jaws references or bad accents. The worst is that bar scene with Zachary. This Abraham guy must be on something I swear he's barely lucid this whole movie! I mean he thinks a praying mantis is the sharks natural enemy. And the Star Wars thing was so bad too. Stock video explosions smh. Ugh I need to watch a good movie to wash the taste of this outta my mouth.