MOVIE REVIEWS

Review by Kamurai

Awful watch, won't watch and can't recommend, even for younger audiences. The best thing about this movie is how awful the villain is, it's like if Van Helsing was a jerk and vampires were all nice. The sister is at least interesting, wrestling between cultures, but that is immediately trumped by child vampires. One of the most horrific versions of vampires is trapping someone in a 13 year old body for centuries, and they play it off as a laugh, as if he is 13. In some versions, vampires are biological enough that they birth, giving a "pure" blood line ("Blade"), or can mate with humans under the right conditions, but either that is a Dampir or a human. It is VERY unclear what is happening here so I'm left with this clan regularly indoctrinates children into their vampire society to mimic human culture. Then we have species jumping, where an animal gets infected (watch "Bunnicula" for a better version). And then we have the dual homo erotic adventures, and I'm not even against it, but it is weirder than "Top Gun", at least it made sense those two were into each other. But the mortal is clearly into the vampire boy, and they write in the crush on the girl to normalize him to the audience, but it looks more like he's into both. And the poor ginger guy, his boyfriend wakes him up in the middle of the night to go on this adventure and doesn't appreciate him the whole time. This is clearly made by people that had a lot of money to make it well, and had a clear list of demands. It was given to a writer than saw it was garbage and clearly beneath him and decided to show the producers what they did. So, because he was good enough to, made this horrible thing he was asked to do, but in the least acceptable way that would be accepted and still be good enough not to sink his career. And I'm sure it still got noted to death. Just steer away from this one. Vampires shouldn't be lovable characters in the same way humans are, they can stand on their own. Bring back powerful blood drinking characters.